Drunk and Disorderly
by Sarah-Shizzle
Summary: She was wasted. And I don’t mean a little bit more than tipsy. No. I mean so far gone she was in koo-koo land making out with her dishwasher. Now if only it had been her dishwasher and not the sexy mall cop… Sess
1. Pretty in Pink

Chapter 1- Pretty In Pink

Kagome sighed. "Sango, you _know_ what happens when I drink so I'll have to pass." Kagome drawled out, irritation laced in her voice. Sango pouted.

"Oh, come on! That was like, one time!"

Kagome glared. "Three."

"It wasn't that bad."

"I was naked humping her dog!" Kagome screamed.

Some people in the café turned and stared, as if expecting her to continue her sentence.

"What are you staring at?!" She screeched and whipped her head around giving them a glare that could freeze hell over.

The people instantly turned away, almost ready to piss themselves.

Kagome signed wearly.

Sango gave her a sympathetic look.

"Kagome," Sango said sternly, "You need some time for yourself. Ever since the break-up all you've done is work. Think of this as time for you because you deserve it!"

And it was so true. Since her break-up with her last boyfriend, Hojo, she had drowned herself with her work. And her work was not fun. She worked as a secretary at a fairly large company.

Kagome's eyes lit up. "I do deserve it! Hojo can go suck his dick anyways! That's it! I'm going!"

Sango grinned. 'Ah, the power of persuasion.'

"I'm going to go get ready." Kagome stated, picking up her coffee and striding out of the café.

Sango shook her head. All it took was a few good word choices to get her friend to do something she hated. And hopefully one day she'll learn from her mistakes. Sango smiled and took a sip of her latté.

* * *

Kagome dug through her abomination of a closet. Throwing clothes every direction until there was no longer a floor to poor Kagome's room. She finally pulled out her little black dress.

"Perfect." She whispered, sprinting to the bathroom. After a long shower she blow-dried her hair and did her make-up. She only wore mascara, eyeliner, and a touch of blush. She slipped on her tight dress and to her surprise it still fit perfectly. And to finish it off she curled her waist-length raven locks. Thick bangs dangled over her bright cerulean eyes. Her doorbell rang just as she finished. She opened it to see Sango and Miroku there waiting for her. The three had been best friends for as long as she could remember. She was positive they had feelings for each other but Sango was too stubborn to admit it and Miroku was just too much of a lecher to admit it.

"Oh my! You look absolutely edible tonight, Kagome." Miroku said playfully as he took her hand and kissed it.

Kagome pulled her hand back and gave him a half-hearted glare.

"Pervert." She giggled.

"Well, are you ready to go?" Sango asked.

"Yeah, let me grab my heels."

Kagome went to her room and slipped on her beautiful stilettos.

"Let's go!" She said as she flashed a big, white smile.

* * *

Needless to say Kagome got _very_ drunk.

She was sitting in the bar with her friends when she suddenly had an idea.

"Let's playish hide a-and ssheek!" She announced before bounding out the door and down the street. Sango and Miroku barely even realized what had happened.

"Woahhh. Where's Kaghome?" Sango slurred.

"She's in the bathsroom, right?" Miroku replied.

Sango made and 'O' with her mouth before cracking up laughing.

* * *

Kagome ran and ran and ran until she reached the mall. Of course it was closed at 12:30 but the thought didn't even occur to Kagome as she opened the door and bounded inside.

* * *

Sesshomaru was bored out of his mind. He was the new cop at the mall so all the others had decided he should have the night shift. You know, the one with no people. He sighed. And, of course, no one else wanted to do it with him so he was completely alone. He heard the door behind him slam open and watched as the most beautiful and graceful woman walked in. Well, she would have been graceful had she not tripped over the raise on the tile. She fell flat on her face and just laid there for a moment.

And for a second Sesshomaru thought she had cracked her head open and died. But instead she raised her fist and shook it wildly screaming,

"Darn kids these days and their baggy creme chesse yogurt!" Then it hit him. She was either really drunk or mentally ill. She finally spotted him and just sat there for a moment. Then she lifted her self, stumbled over to him and grabbed him arm.

"Oh, you clean my dirty dishes so well!" She gushed before she collided with his arm in passionate make-out session. Sesshomaru's amber eyes widened and he just stood there, stunned. He attempted to process what was happening when a computerized voice came through the speakers,

"Security system lock down in 3……2……1." Clicks and clacks sounded breaking Sesshomaru out of his thoughts.

"Oh fuck." He whispered grabbing the handle of the door and shaking as hard as he could. But to no avail the door was locked. And the switch to unlock the door was on the other side of the mall.

Then the woman began laughing maniacally as she slowly twisted her head around. Her eyes wide and the corner of her tightly pressed lips turned up in a disturbing smile. Truly, she looked like something that had just stepped out of a horror movie.

"So" Sesshomaru started cautiously, "What's your name?"

The woman fiddled with the end of her dress like she was nervous.

"Kaaa-gome." She replied.

The woman known as Kagome then skipped away and up the stairs.

"Hey! Wait!" Sesshomaru yelled after her. But she had already disappeared. Sesshomaru started his long walk through the dimmed light mall. He didn't know this Kagome person but he had a feeling it wasn't safe when she was drunk.

Suddenly he heard the 'Jaw's' theme music being sung. He swiftly twirled around but the girl wasn't there.

"If she's not on the first level then that means…..shit." He snapped his head up to see the girl flying off the railing of the upstairs. She had on a paintball helmet, a paintball sniper in one hand and a Nerf gun in the other. Strapped to her back was a Star Wars sword he could only assume she found at the Disney Store along with bright pink fairy wings.

"I AM YOUR FATHER!" She screamed before landing on the roof of the Star Bucks stand. And evil grin was plastered on her face as she pulled back the cock on the gun.

Sesshomaru slowly backed up until his back hit a wall.

"Oh, mother of god."

Her grin widened.

"Asta La vista, baby." She said as she pulled the trigger and let the neon pink paintball fly.

Ha, this is just something I had a dream about. Review if you want. But no flames. Suggestions I'll take. Thanks for reading.


	2. Red Lipstick

Chapter 2- Red Lipstick

_Splat_

Sesshomaru felt something wet and sticky slide down his face. And right in the middle of his forehead was a pink, gooey circle.

'For a drunk person she has damn good aim.' He thought grimly. The person in question had her cheeks puffed out and her mouth in a firm smile. It was oblivious she was trying to hold in her laughter and failing miserably.

"HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHHAA! I'm s-hahaha-sorry!" Kagome made out before stumbling over to him.

"I'm gonna cover it up for ya!" She announced while holding the Nerf gun over the blob.

"No Wai-" _Click. _And now, beautifully covering the blob, was a Nerf suction-cup arrow. Sesshomaru glared down at the girl, eyes promising death. He grabbed her wrist and began to pull her towards the bathroom. He wasn't going to let this maniac travel the mall alone. She looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

"STRANGER, DANGER! RAPE! RAPE!" She screamed, grabbing a palm tree and wrapping her arms and legs around it. Sesshomaru instantly let go and she took that as her sign to run.

'Oh no you don't! I'm not going down without a fight!' Sesshomaru thought, right on her tail.

"Catch me if you can!" She yelled behind her. She dove into a clothing rack of a nearby store. Sesshomaru searched the store but she was no where to be found. And while he searched the neighboring stores she snuck away, heading into Earthbound. Sesshomaru walked out of the last store, confused. Where was she? Then, a movement caught his eye. In the middle of the mall's hallway was a swarm of hermit crabs.

'I'm so losing this job…' He thought.

Just then, Kagome skipped out of the makeup store across from the swarm. She had lipstick smeared everywhere and eyeliner flowers painted on her face.

"Hey mister!" She yelled, waving her hand and skipping over to him, "Don't I look pretty?" She asked with hopeful eyes.

Sesshomaru just nodded his head.

"Then Kagome make you pretty too!" She said while pressing the red lipstick container to his lips and rubbing frivolously. Sesshomaru stepped back and grabbed her wrist. "Kagome," He said seriously," Before we get to make ourselves….pretty, we need to put back all the hermits in their home, okay?"

Kagome frowned. "I don't wanna!" She said, crossing her arms.

A vein appeared on Sesshomaru's head but he kept the sickly sweet smile on his face.

"You'll get a reward."

Her eyes lit up.

"Okay!" She replied. Sesshomaru and Kagome spent the next hour picking up hermit crabs with many attempts of Kagome trying to set them on his head. After that, Sesshomaru lead Kagome to the bathroom and dunked her head into a sink filled with water. She flailed her arms wildly but he pushed her head down, an evil glint in his eye. Had anyone walked in at that moment the scene wouldn't have looked very good for Sesshomaru. But he was just trying to wash the makeup off..._really_ he was.

When she he let her back up she spit water in his face. "Potato licker."

Sesshomaru laughed at her.

"So what do you want for a reward? A Barbie doll, a fai-"Sesshomaru wasn't able to finish because Kagome had wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled herself up and kissed him. He was going to kiss back when she went limp. He looked down to see her fast asleep, cradled in his arms. He smiled but quickly wiped it off his face. He carried her to the mattress store and laid her down on a bed. He was about to walk away but she grabbed his hand.

"Don't leave me, I'm scared."

He sighed and laid down with her, arms wrapped around her waist. She snuggled into him and fell back asleep as did he.

* * *

Kagome woke to the whispering of people.

She lifted her pounding head off the pillow and glanced around her. She seemed to be the center of attention in a large crowd. But the thing that surprised her the most was the strong grip of the arms around her waist and the gorgeous man beside her in bed.

'Oh my god Kagome, what have you done?' She thought before falling back on the bed.

Thank you guys for your reviews. This is a really easy story to type! And don't worry, I have a whole plot planned out, It may be more comedy then romance now but soon it'll have a lot with drama. Thanks again.


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